I almost did it but bad luck saved me.

In previous posts I talked about my bad habits with finances.  I would worry about how low funds were and would choose not to pay a bill to make sure we had some cash reserve.  

I almost did that last night.  When going over the budget I had one of those mini anxiety attacks that we wouldn’t have enough money. 

On a whim of very bad judgment, I logged onto my cable account and took off the auto-pay.  In my mind I freed up $133.00 until my next paycheck.  Unfortunately, it seems I setup auto-pay earlier than the due date because within an hour I received an email from Cable Company thanking me for my payment.

I am glad that happened.  I need to break these financial habits NOW!  This particular habit was a huge contributor to my recent debt.  I am still stressed about money, but the worst to happen is we go a few days without cigarettes. We won’t die without cigarettes and we need to start relying on our vapor pens anyway.

On a final note, we were denied the subsidy increase for DS2.  I am pissed but I don’t have the emotional energy or physical time to appeal this. DW stepped up and is going to fight this.

I hating fighting for an increase because I feel judged by those who feel foster parents do it for the money. The increase is essentially to relieve some of the financial burden of raising a high needs child so that we can maintain placement.

I would use the monthly increase to cover the cost of repairing the huge hole he put in the wall on Saturday, to replace the dryer door he ripped off a few weeks ago, to replace the brand new mattress he urinated all over (he took of the protector and pissed on it several times in anger), and to rent a carpet cleaner (ours broke) to carpet clean his room as he started now pissing on the floor in the middle of the night. 

I would use it to replace the drawers in the kitchen he stomped on, repair the dent he put in the wall frame in his old bedroom and maybe even purchase a small piece offering to a neighbor so he will start allowing his kids to play with mine after the cricket bat on the side of the head incident (care of DS2). 

After those repairs, the monthly increase would go to recover some of the average of 25-35% of income I lose each month due to appointments, behaviors and meetings surrounding DS2 special needs.

I know the state budget is tight, I get it.  But his experienced social worker tells me that we put up with more than even a foster home specializing in high needs kids would take. If he fails out of our home he will most likely be institutionalized.  That validates for me that, YES, this is just as hard as it feels.  The stress of raising him is EXTREME and the more it impacts us financially the harder it is to justify to DW and the rest of our family why we should continue having him in our home.  Wish us luck.